Turning 50: Lessons I Have Lived #2

Turning 50: Lessons I Have Lived #2

I have issues with Black People (Us) and how we think about each other, how we treat each other, in theory and in practice.

Our humanity has been in the crosshairs of a rifle scope. We have been targeted by political snipers, culture hunters, and games sportsmen and women who just want to shoot (insert n-word) for fun. Our humanity could be snatched away in real tangible ways with little care or concern-- beyond the pain of Black family and community, by White folks- in very concrete ways, backed up by historical documentation (lynchings etc).

I am convinced, after having listened to my elders words of wisdom, that we have to learn how to let each other as Black folk, 'fuck up sometimes', and keep our dignity, but deal with each other the way we deal with things to put each other back on a decent path.

I dont think we should allow White people to publicly humiliate or dehumanize Black folk, even when we don't like their (the Black folks) nasty ass ways.

There is a line, a code of honor among Black folk that must be defined, acknowledged, and maintained in the public sphere and public spaces.

Calling a Black person evil is not the same as calling her a "low-life dog"! Especially when she was being treated like a prize show dog in the first place.

Let's be clear, I don't personally know Ms. Omarosa Newman, and I don't want to know her. She is the kind of person my Mama taught me to "feed with a long handled spoon". I would not want to be in the same room with her based on what I have seen of her on TV. She bears the responsibility for her actions, she's a grown ass woman. She will be okay I am sure, but this ain't about her, it's about Us, and how we deal with each other.

We can not, should not allow ourselves to do to each other what was done to us by White folk.

If we say that the majority of White folk in the United States were poor whites who did not own slaves, we must also say they were complicit in how we, Black folks have been treated in this country.

If we say that the majority of Africans were sold into enslavement by a minority of elite Africans, then we must confront the evil within (how we see ourselves, our own humanity) and the evil without (how non Black folk have treated and still treat us).
- Jolivette Anderson-Douoning

On Turning 50: The Lessons I Have Lived

Lesson #1 - Order

I am divorced because I was not supposed to be married to that particular man. I know that and I own that decision. It has nothing to do with him personally, and it has everything to do with me and my preference for order over chaos.

Here is an example that many may be able to relate.

When married, my paycheck was once a month. Therefore, I would shop for groceries that would last the whole month, specifically meats. I would buy enough meats to cook each week with special packages for Sunday dinner.

I came home one day to find that my now ex-husband had cooked a lovely African meal, stew of some kind. It looked good, it smelled good and I was ready to eat.

Upon looking in the pot, I asked, "What kind of meat did you put in here?"

He replied, "Beef, chicken, and fish."

"In the same pot?!", I yelled!

I went to the freezer and he had used up two weeks worth of meat for one meal. I was livid. He was unemployed at the time so that made it worse.

I kept thinking, why? Why would he use up all the god damn meat in one stew. It made no fucking sense to me.

One pack of meat per meal and leftovers for lunch or dinner the next day.

Well, that is not how he grew up. Whatever pieces of meat you could find would end up in a pot is how he grew up. We had some serious Black Cultural Differences going on between his Ivory Coast and my North Louisiana.

What stands out is that I found and still find more than one kind of meat in a stew chaotic (unless it is Louisiana Gumbo) and he found and still finds that an orderly way to cook.

He was taking advantage of everything he had in front of him at that moment. I was planning for the entire month. He could not understand or appreciate my way of doing things until he started living alone, working, and figuring out how to enjoy good meals throughout the week without having to eat the same thing all week long.

I need order in my life. I have learned that about myself. Order has to be present in all of my interactions with myself and with society.

When I interact with other human beings, at first greeting, there must be a 'Good Morning' or a 'How do you do'. I must hold myself in a certain place to make the world less cold, more loving, and joyful to the senses.

The Universe is ordered. I want to find and define my place in the universe and do my job just like the planets and the stars.

Jolivette Anderson-Douoning