On Turning 50: The Lessons I Have Lived

Lesson #1 - Order

I am divorced because I was not supposed to be married to that particular man. I know that and I own that decision. It has nothing to do with him personally, and it has everything to do with me and my preference for order over chaos.

Here is an example that many may be able to relate.

When married, my paycheck was once a month. Therefore, I would shop for groceries that would last the whole month, specifically meats. I would buy enough meats to cook each week with special packages for Sunday dinner.

I came home one day to find that my now ex-husband had cooked a lovely African meal, stew of some kind. It looked good, it smelled good and I was ready to eat.

Upon looking in the pot, I asked, "What kind of meat did you put in here?"

He replied, "Beef, chicken, and fish."

"In the same pot?!", I yelled!

I went to the freezer and he had used up two weeks worth of meat for one meal. I was livid. He was unemployed at the time so that made it worse.

I kept thinking, why? Why would he use up all the god damn meat in one stew. It made no fucking sense to me.

One pack of meat per meal and leftovers for lunch or dinner the next day.

Well, that is not how he grew up. Whatever pieces of meat you could find would end up in a pot is how he grew up. We had some serious Black Cultural Differences going on between his Ivory Coast and my North Louisiana.

What stands out is that I found and still find more than one kind of meat in a stew chaotic (unless it is Louisiana Gumbo) and he found and still finds that an orderly way to cook.

He was taking advantage of everything he had in front of him at that moment. I was planning for the entire month. He could not understand or appreciate my way of doing things until he started living alone, working, and figuring out how to enjoy good meals throughout the week without having to eat the same thing all week long.

I need order in my life. I have learned that about myself. Order has to be present in all of my interactions with myself and with society.

When I interact with other human beings, at first greeting, there must be a 'Good Morning' or a 'How do you do'. I must hold myself in a certain place to make the world less cold, more loving, and joyful to the senses.

The Universe is ordered. I want to find and define my place in the universe and do my job just like the planets and the stars.

Jolivette Anderson-Douoning